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To be sure you hit the target, shoot first then call whatever you hit the target. --- Anonymous

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My friend forgot her laptop on my floor and my grandma thought it was a scale, conclusion my grandma weighs 950 dollars. --- bailey_kay12

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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. --- The INSANE Cousins

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Is it good if your vacuum totally sucks? --- The INSANE Cousins

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How fucking furious do you think homeless people get when "Mo Money, Mo Problems" comes on? --- _TomBrady

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The awkward moment when you are on a bike and get hit by a car..... a parked one. --- zekeylove

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him he isn't going to come. --- The INSANE Cousins

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I don't need to lie. But, sometimes, I like to give the truth an extreme makeover. --- linajk

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80% of men say they'd marry the same woman all over again. Related: 80% of men are afraid that what they say will get back to their wives. --- MrFornicator

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