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I would love to start working out, but I'm beefing up for my "before" picture. --- dirtymustache

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How come dudes always want us to tell them how bad we want it? Obviously I want it, I'm not sitting here ass naked on your bed in the dark because I enjoy your friendship. --- Anonymous

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Fact: If you sneak away to fart loudly in private and get caught by some innocent person walking by, you have to now hate that person. --- TrainedHedonist

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You know how people say they'll pray for you? I bet they don't. Assholes. --- dailydillydally

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If everyone walked around with their orgasm face, no one would ever get laid. --- TrainedHedonist

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You think life as a woman is hard? Try peeing with an erection. --- itsderekhuff

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The guy in front of me is buying a pregnancy test....I bet this is the only time he would rather be buying tampons. --- Thedoc318

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Direct quote from my daughter: "I know horses can play soccer really well because they're fast." Thank god she's pretty. --- TerminalSingles

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If morning had a face I would totally be punching that shit right about now. --- dropdeadchris

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